What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 09:13
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I have no regrets .
All the time i was locked up.
Are female judges more lenient than male ones?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Are women as visual as men are?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We all went to grammer schools
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What is something you have to share?
He knew the spot.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Who are the archers in Genesis 49:23?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
When she asked me how she looked .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
What is the reason behind the Russian government's negative view on foreign travel?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why do men suck dick? Me, I can't get enough
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was very sick at this time too.
Why do foolish atheists think their strange delusional theories are facts?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why are Trump supporters so incredibly stupid?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
What are your funniest "lost in translation" moments if you grew up speaking more than one language?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What has been your best sexual experience?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She loved him until the end.
I will be 64.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Ive learnt so much.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Would this be the day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One cannot live in the past .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Especially a lifetime of it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was seconnd youngest,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im still living with it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So, i spoilt her more .
I was scared of men, in general
But it wasn’t much.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I waited trembling.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was 9 years of age.
She found it foreign!.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is soul school!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Who then, do I blame.?
Put me off passion for life!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Was to survive, this bastard.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She married twice! .
I never cut or harmed myself..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I write beautiful poetry .
We were not on the streets..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She wouldn,t have been !
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
What did i know ?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Comes on , in middle age.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I said to her
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My family never makes their pension either.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was in good health!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I think the readers, may guess!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But, we were locked up after school.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It was going to be , some day.
And i lived it daily.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My life is so biszare .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But ive been too sick for many years..